I remember looking at the clock, it was 8:25 pm, thinking this will all be over in just a few more minutes. I will no longer be pregnant but will be a mommy to a little no named somebody. Being pregnant wasn't the hardest thing I have ever done but it wasn't the easiest either. I knew being a mom would be the hardest and best job I would ever have.
I wasn't ready for her to be here yet. She had been so easy to take care of for the last nine months. I took her everywhere I went. It was me and her most of the time. We could make it on our own. I knew once she got her that would not longer be the case. The next three to four years there would always be someone around to help because I couldn't take care of her on my own.
I knew these facts. I had known these facts for quite sometime. These facts were about to be a reality. Could I really handle not being able to do things for my daughter that most mothers do? I knew I would never be able to walk her up and down the hall in the middle of the night. Was it really such a good idea for me and Jeremy to have a baby? Could we make this work? At this point in the game, as I lay on the operating table, I knew we had to make it work because it was about to be our reality.
Dr. Adams was even more wonderful than he normally was. He quickly went to work at about 8:30 pm. Jeremy and my mom were both at my head. A sheet had been placed across my chest so there was no way for me to see what was going on. I wished there was a mirror or someway for me to see what was happening. I wanted to be apart of every moment but all I could do was lay there strapped to the table with my teeth chattering. Even with all the excitement and nervousness, I could barely keep my eyes open. It had been 33 hours since we checked into the hospital and about that long since I had anything to eat. I was exhausted.
The radio was on in the operating room. I think it was 96.5 The Mountain (I know it's not that anymore). Playing on the radio as Dr. Adams was getting ready to deliver our baby was John Mayer's Fathers Be Good to Your Daughters. How fitting was that?!?!?
At 8:43 pm on Wednesday, October 5, 2011, our little girl took her first breath of air. She was quiet at first and I was so worried something was wrong. It was only a few seconds before she let out a loud cry. I couldn't see her but I knew then that everything had to be okay. Dr. Adams told me that she was small but was perfectly proportioned. Jeremy and my mom hurried over to see our little miracle. I wanted them to take lots of pictures so I could see everything I was missing.
Jeremy finally bought our little girl over. I was thrilled to finally see her. I will never forget the look on Jeremy's face. He was BEAMING with pride. He could not take his eyes off of her. Even though she was crying, she was the most precious baby I had ever seen and she was so tiny!!
I only got to look at her for just a few minutes. My brand new baby, my husband, and my mom were whisked away. The baby needed to be cleaned up and whatever else it is they do to newborns. I'm not sure I was ever told what all that was. It was killing me to have to lay there and be left behind. She was only a few minutes old and I was already not apart of what was happening to her.
It took what seemed like forever before I was completely stitched up. The staff that was left was laughing, signing, and carrying on like I wasn't even there. They were talking about golf and just the most random things as my insides laid open for all the world to see. I wanted them to hurry so I could get to my baby.
I was wheeled to the recovery room where Jeremy was holding tight to our little girl. He brought her over for me to see. I was still freezing, teeth chattering and everything. I couldn't hold her. I was afraid to. I could barely hold my eyes open much less hold my arms up to cradle my little girl.
The Baby Princess was crying and I remembered thinking again, 'How are we going to do this?' What have we gotten ourselves into? This little baby is ours FOREVER. She would depend on us for EVERYTHING. I must admit I was feeling very overwhelmed, grateful, tired, drugged, hungry, and cold.
My mom was still there waiting on me. Jeremy's mom had come back to recovery to see the Baby Princess. Jeremy would not let anyone hold her. He was already holding his daughter hostage and she was less than an hour old. They didn't allow many visitors at all and I think we were already over the limited but no one wanted to leave. Kathy (my mother-in-law) left so my dad could come back.
Talk about being ecstatic, my dad was over the moon!! He wanted his hands on the Baby Princess so bad he couldn't stand it. And Jeremy was not about to hand her over. My dad went as far as to try and bribe the nurse so he could hold the baby. That didn't happen either.
My mom was by my side. She already knew there would be no baby holding, besides she was worried about her baby. Mom got me some Sprite. It was the first thing I had on my stomach in over 34 hours. I wanted food but we had to take baby steps (heehee...pun intended).
It was time for the Baby Princess to head back to the nursery. She needed to be there for about two hours so they could get all her stats. I was free to leave recovery and with a grape popsicle. They wheeled me past the nursery on the way to our room. I got one last glimpse of her. I still couldn't believe she was here and WITHOUT a name.
God is good. My miracle baby arrived....life would never be the same. :-)